The Dialektizer (Geddit?)

I: The Original Essay
The Dialectizer by Samuel Stoddard
Sequence: Jive

da Rezult:

Maps Widout Bo'ders

Each cartographa' is involved in de creashun uh two maps, dig dis:

1: One be de map dat he creates uh a gigantic area, shrunk and calibrated by scale into some much smalla' area dat kin be stugot wasted by some standin' man, o' projected onto some wall o' ceilin'. He tries t'construct da damn image uh a large territo'y by summin' down certain key info'mashun about dat place. De cartographa' acts as some camera obscura. WORD!

2. De second be de map dat be created not by de pen, but by de feet uh de cartographa' as he goes about his job, movin' around in his studio, livin' his life and leavin' his imprint in everydin' he touches o' walks downon. 'S coo', bro. In dis version uh de map, human movement acts as de camera – projectin' reality on de ground bediggin' hoth our feet. Man!

3. Dere be a dird map, de map dat 'esplo'ers make wid deir feet as dey carry dis cartographer's map, followin' its contours and co'rectin' dem on de map as dey pass. If some certain place be upon de map, dere be a chance dat it gots been passed befo'e by man, and derefo'e dey retrace and co'rect da damn olda' footprints. De hands uh de cartographa' make da damn fust map, and da damn movement uh his feet tracked by some global posishunin' system (GPS) make da damn second map. Jes hang loose, brud. When dese two maps converge, de need t'draw lines on de eard-grid would disappear. Ah be baaad...

II: Original Essay
Dialectizer Sequence: Hacker

Da rezult:

a devout pardi and virtUa7 dictatr0 opf bombay, sir pharozeshaH mehtya was a man com/\/\itted yo protect his spect4cles, rtesticlws, awllet and watcH, and campaIgn3d aainst curZ0ns insritution ofd teh ist in july of 1905. lolollololllololol.... THIS PROOPESD CHANGEP 7ACED BOMBAY 39 /\/\INUTES AHEAD Of ITZ LOCAL TIM3, AZ MEASURED BY THE COLABA OBSAR\/ATORY!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~ ololol it was writrten ofmehta ion the biofraphy by ohmi mOdy tha, so faR 4s hhe could /\/\ake 0it, teh Onl ything in favour of it waz thaT it was convene1nt to teh r4ilway trrvelling public~~~ cbt itt was nots uitable at All to tdh shipping 4nd marcantiel commuinite1s OLOLOLOLOLOLO..

DUE TO HIS GIGANTIC INFLUENCE IN TEh AFAFIRS OF BOBAY, SO/\/\E 3NMGLISH SARvANTZ OF ETH cROWN ROGANISED A TSRONG CAUCUA AGANIST MeHTA, AQHCK YOUIUUUUIUU bbevauSe I wi7l ahck an important role was playd byo n3 mr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ lovat frasaaR, a journalist with the times of india, in sendeing A miasleaeding cable to t3h aga khan, and using his reply to influemce hi sfOllower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~ itsa nothe rmATter thaat politica lleaders of that time wropte golWin gbiographeis of each oher in the1r fre timE, an dthaT teh froeword in mdis book on jmehta si by the aga khan H1mse7f~~~~~